im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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