I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
