i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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