I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
