I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
