He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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