drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just had sex on a roof
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
