he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
