Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
