Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
