threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
