new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
