That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
