note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
