Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
