I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
