she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
