I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize