billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
