So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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