We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
