Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
