Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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