My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish you could order shots online.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
