If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
