I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
