I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
