Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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