After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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