I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
