shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize