My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize