she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The power of my boobs compel you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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