youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
