grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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