what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
