I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
