Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
