there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize