help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
