Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
