Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
