yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
