dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
