when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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