dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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