Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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