you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
