I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
