At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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