We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
