textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
