I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
