So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
false alarm, still single
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