maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
