Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize