Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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