I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
