I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
