That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
