is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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