oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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