Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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