I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
