my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
