You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
