I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
