All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
