a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
