just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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