I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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