i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Randomize
