I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
