So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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