I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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