I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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