I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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