He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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