my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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