my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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