So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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