I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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