Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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