Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just leave with hair like that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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