Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
