she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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