that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize