The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
