I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
