Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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