the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
