I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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