I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
