Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
