My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize