respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
