i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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